


When Angels Weep

by SalemDae_45



Category: White Collar
Genre: F/M, Gen, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-29
Updated: 2012-04-29
Packaged: 2017-11-04 12:36:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/393902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SalemDae_45/pseuds/SalemDae_45
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elizabeth’s pregnant. Peter is thrilled.  However, life has a way to turn the joys into sorrows.  And Peter must deal with the consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Angels Weep

*******

“I’m pregnant.”

Peter didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t even know how he felt about the sudden news. Should he feel delighted despite them not wanting to have children any time soon? Should he feel a bit jealous since he had to share her with another person? He isn’t a selfish person; he just didn’t want to lose Elizabeth’s attention and affection.

How should he feel?

Peter hugs her. El’s tears lands on his shoulder as he rubs her back gently, soothingly.

Peter will figure it out eventually.

  
*****   


“Is it a boy or a girl?”

“We decided not to know until the baby is born.”

“Wow. You and Elizabeth have only been married for two years and now she’s carrying your baby. How do you feel?”

Peter felt good, proud.

Peter also felt nervous as hell.

Peter wants to give his child a life he didn’t have growing up. He wants to be a father who teaches and nurtures, protects and guides. Peter is not about to be the absent dad, but a full time father. A completely different version of his own.

Peter smiles.

“Scared shitless.”

  


*****  


“If it’s a girl, what do you want to name her, Peter?”

Peter shrugs while reading Parenting Tips 101 for Dummies.

“I don’t know, El, we could name her after your mom.”

Elizabeth laughs.

“My mom doesn’t want me to name the baby after her,” El rubs her round stomach, “I can feel the baby kicking,” She says excitingly

“Really?” Peter puts the book down and moves to El’s side.

El smiles. Peter couldn’t help but look at her. She glows, bright and lovely. Each day, Peter becomes more and more mesmerize by her beauty and presence. He always loves her—no matter what she looks like—but there is something about her he couldn’t take his eyes off. It remains him of their youth, so many years ago. El is truly beautiful and he knew their child will inherit it from her.

Peter is an attractive man but nothing compared to his wife. He considers himself a lucky man to have a wonderful wife and child. He is truly blessed.

“Yea, Peter. The baby moves all the time.” Elizabeth places her husband’s hand on her stomach.

Peter almost pulls away when he feels a tiny kick through El’s stomach. He looks at her with full amusement and surprise. Their child will be a powerful kicker. Maybe he or she will have a chance to be a soccer player?

Peter chuckles. He’s playing his own child’s future before he or she is out of the womb. 

“This is amazing, El,” He wraps his arms around her waist, “I love you so much.” Then Peter kisses her.

El rests her head on his chest. She closes her eyes and whispers,

“I love you too, Peter.”

Peter felt tears clouding his eyes. This is one of the best moments of his life.

  
*****  


It starts as a normal, usual day.

Peter went to work. 

El stays at home. 

Peter tells her he will call her during his lunch break. 

El jokes he was acting like he’s pregnant. 

Peter laughs and kisses her goodbye.

Then it went to hell.

Peter saw the hardened look on Clinton’s face. 

“Peter…it’s E—”

Peter doesn’t remember what Clinton says. All he could remember is running down the hallway, trying to call El. He nearly throws the phone at the wall when he hears her voicemail. 

Peter remains calm on the outside, but his mind is on panic mode. He leans against the wall, breathing harder, keeping himself from falling apart. _What happened? Is she alright? What about our baby?_

Peter got inside his car and starts hitting the steering wheel. He grits his teeth, trying his hardest not to cry. He has to stay in control despite feeling the tears gathering around his eyes. 

He just wants to see his wife and child.

He drove to the hospital, at the highest speed possible. He kept his breathing under control but his mind continues to race.

_Did they die? Did someone kill El? What happen to their baby? Are they alright?_

When he reaches the hospital, he parks his car and ran inside. He didn’t bother to ask for help as he searches for El. 

Peter felt the bile coming up throat as he spots El’s parents. He stood there, motionless as they approach him.

“Peter…I’m…” El’s mother collapses into her husband’s arms.

Peter looks away, leaning against the wall for support. His knees buckled and he kneels to the ground. He bit down on his lower lip, hoping the tears did not come. He had to be strong for El or his child.

When he pulls himself together, he went inside Elizabeth’s room. The baby is not there. He knew it wouldn’t be there, after what the doctor explained to him. 

Elizabeth rubs her swollen stomach, as if something is there. Peter lies beside her and held her. She lays her head on his chest, continuing to rub her stomach. 

Peter held her close, kissing the top of her head. He wishes he could take the pain away but…

Peter closes his eyes and prays. To God, to the angels, to the Virgin Mother, anyone who can hear him.

“I’m sorry, Peter…” El whispers.

Peter held her tightly, refusing to release her.

  
*****  


It would have been a boy. Elizabeth names him Adam: the first man in the Bible. Peter didn’t object to it. He didn’t do much except drown his pain by work or the bottle.

The funeral is unbearable. Elizabeth appears strong, put together, but hurting inside. Peter has his arms around her protectively. He’s happy to keep his shades on, to hide the black circles, but importantly, the blood shot eyes. 

He hates himself.

El knows it but said nothing. Her father knows it and he punches him before the funeral started. Peter didn’t fought back as he thought it is a punishment for not caring, for not loving or being a good father. 

Before the casket is put inside the ground, Peter touches it. The metallic steal feels cold to his fingers, mirroring how he felt inside. He prays his child is among the angels, not suffering for his sins.

El stood beside him, emotionless.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“I am too.”

Peter hangs his head and remains silent.

  
*****  


“Just talk to me, Peter.”

“I need to go to work.”

“Stop trying to avoid it!”

“Avoid what, El?”

“Adam,” Elizabeth says softly, almost out of frustration.

Peter glares at her. 

“I already grieved,” Peter is almost shock at the harshness of his voice. 

“You haven’t, Peter. He meant something to me too. He is our child.”

“ _Was_ , El, _was_ our child.” Peter kept his voice low, although he did want to lash out. 

“He’s still our child,” El sighs, “I’m hurting too, Peter. I want him back.”

Peter lowers his eyes. 

“I lost m—our child. I don’t want to lose you, too.” El rubs her stomach subconsciously.

Peter rubs his face before sitting on the couch. For months, he thought by keeping himself busy, the memory of Adam will go away, as if it never happens. He forgot he’s hurting the one person he loves more than life. He misses El’s smile and spirit and he even craves it when the alcohol did not cloud his judgment. 

“You are not going to lose me, baby.”

“But I feel like I have,” El says, kneeling in front of him. She held his hands. “Peter, please don’t keep it inside. Talk to me, like you use to before…” She pauses, the sudden hurt shown in her eyes. 

Peter caresses her face as El continues.

“…just talk to me, Peter.”

Peter almost answers until his voice didn’t crack. He almost says something until he lays his head on El’s shoulder. He’s whole body shakes as tears came down his face.

He cries. 

He cries for them. 

He cries for El. 

He cries for their child.

_What did You take him from them? Why?_

“El…” Peter starts but couldn’t finish his sentence. All the emotions he held inside came out. It was catharsis to his whole soul.

He felt her smile upon his neck. 

“It’s alright, Peter. You need someone to hold you too.”

  
*****  


“Who’s Adam?” Neal asks, holding a picture with the writing: El, Peter and Adam (Six Months Old).

Peter pauses. Ten years and the pain is still there. 

Neal looks at Peter, full of questions and curiosity.

Peter sighs.

“He’s my son.”

“I didn’t know…”

“He was my son.”

Shock turns to regret as Neal puts the picture away.

“I’m sorry.”

Peter nods.

“How are you handling it?”

Peter could say, “It never goes away. The loss of a child is worse than death. It kills you inside. You blame yourself for his death, but, through time, you learn it wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you could do. All you could do is pray for his soul and move on. So, we’re handling it the best we can.”

Instead Peter says, “Life goes on, Neal. We can’t change it, no matter what we do.”

Neal nods. He places his hand on Peter’s shoulder.

Peter looks at Neal who had a concern and serious expression on his usual gleeful face.

“If you need anyone to talk to, I’m here.”

“I know,” Peter smiles, “I know.”

Life begins and life ends, but it keeps on going. Peter just moves along with it.

  
*******  



End file.
